Chief Executives and Academic Fools

We have seen what happens when someone with zero executive experience, someone who never ran anything in their life, suddenly becomes a chief executive. As we now know, it’s a recipe for disaster. Now we’re looking at the possibility of doing the same thing, once again. We have two choices: an experienced chief executive who has created thousands of jobs and a vast business empire, or someone who has never created a job, never reached into her own pocket to meet a payroll, and who failed miserably when finally put in charge of something and left to her own vices, and who would tell a lie, even if the truth would be a better joke.

 Billary has now enlisted help from Elizabeth ‘Steep Cheeks’ Warren, purveyor of theoretical absolutes, who never started or grew a business, but rants about starting and growing businesses, which qualifies her to be the poster child for academic fools. People who pontificate on a subject, about which they have no first hand knowledge or personal experience, would be laughable, were it not for the fact that they are supported by fellow fools who actually believe them.

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Ruffling Obama’s Feathers

Since the Brits approved withdrawing from the EU, a group of United States Senators and Representatives are anticipating America ending its relationship with the USIC (United States Islamist Cooperative). The coalition is being called the Mosque Caucus. The Constitutional Amendment is already in place that will allow voters to put an end to the USIC; The Twenty-second Amendment, which limits the President to no more that two four year terms, which will effectively end Obama’s reign as head of the USIC. The focus of the Mosque Caucus is to campaign for a presidential candidate, who will not favor Islamists over American citizens.

Making Billary Grate Again

Some public speakers have a speaking style, or voice, that is just plain annoying. Sarah Palin is a great example. I was, and still am, a supporter of Sarah Palin, who I find to be an attractive lady, and with whom I happen to agree politically. However, I have always said she needs to hire a voice coach. There’s something; I can’t quite put my finger on it, the pitch of her voice, inflection, tone, or whatever it is, there’s something about her voice that is very unpleasant. Then there’s Billary Clinton’s voice, and speaking style, that are like fingernails on a chalkboard, to me. Her speech coach, Lowden Shrill has been on vacation, but he’s back, and he will, no doubt, make Billary grate again.

Hillary Dealing With ISIS

I’m contemplating what a Hillary Clinton Presidency might be like, since she outlined how she thinks we should deal with our enemies.  According to Hillary, we need to respect our enemies and be able to empathize with them.  I suppose she might have a conversation with ISIS leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi that goes something like this:

 Hillary: “Mr. Baghdadi, you are one of the greatest terrorists of all time and we, in the United States, respect that.  And I was glad to learn that you are paying your Jihadists above minimum wage.” 

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi: “I am pleased that you have recognized my abilities, and I hope you understand that our goal is to kill all Americans and Jews.  By the way, you can just call me Al.” 

Hillary: “Well Al, we totally understand your hatred for all non-Muslims, and your need for beheadings and stonings.  These things are part of you storied culture, and we respect that.  But do you think we can find some middle ground?  Like putting a mutually agreed upon cap on beheadings, for example?  What if you limit your beheadings to one per month?  Would something like that work for you?”

Baghdadi answers, “If you would send us one Republican each month, that might work.”

Hillary: “Al, I can certainly empathize with that feeling.  I’ll see what I can do, if you will do me one favor.  Please tell all of the Americans that have converted to Jihad, and are in Syria fighting for you, the SEIU is willing to accept them as members and fund a pension plan for them.  I just wanted you to know that we respect you and fully understand your hatred of America.  We’ll talk again soon.” 

Hand-me-down Pecker

Last week, Thomas Manning received the first transplanted penis in the United States. One of the lead surgeons, Dr. Peter Graft, is pleased with how his patient is handling it. The identity of the penis donor has not been disclosed; however, it has been rumored that it might have been from recently deceased, Thor Luther, the brother of Peder Sans Johnson, both of whom died testate. 

The Islam/Muslim Booster Club

Attorney General Loretta ‘Between Meals’ Lynch, one of the key members of the Islam/Muslim Booster Club, announced that only redacted transcripts of the Orlando killer’s 9-1-1 calls will be released, omitting his pledges of allegiance to terrorist groups and any references to Islamic terrorism. The IMBC is certain that if the transcripts were released with references to ISIL and the mention of Islamic terrorism it would “revictimize those who went through this horror.” (Note – ‘revictimize’ is not a word, according to Webster’s and Random House dictionaries) In other words, IMBC was so concerned about what would befall the victims would be so horrific that there was no word to describe it, so they had to make up a word.

The IMBC, which is headquartered in the White House, and is run by President Obama, intends to prove that, somehow, the gun made the shooter shoot all those people.

Flatulence Obfuscation

Farting is basically an involuntary bodily function, and when you’re in one of those awkwardly quiet, social, business or church, environments, and you know it’s coming, what to do?  You can be proactive by suddenly starting a sing-along.  The best sing-along is The National Anthem.  “The Star Spangled Banner” gets everyone scrambling to their feet and gives you an opportunity to stand up, which will make it much easier to “cut one”, completely unnoticed; that is, if you’re able to keep a straight face when you get to “bombs bursting in air”.  I have tried other songs, in the past, such as “Ring of Fire”, “Thunder Road”, “Blowin’ in the Wind”, “Tutti Frutti”, and “Friends in Low Places”, but there are a couple of problems with those songs.  First of all, not everyone knows the words, and I usually get so tickled that I start laughing and end up cutting an extra one….. or two.  Whatever you do, don’t try the ‘one-cheek-sneak’.  That lean is a dead give away.  Start coughing, clearing your throat, or fake a big sneeze.  Anyone of those should cover the sound, unless you’ve been consuming some kind of fermented bow-bab juice.  In that case, you’re just going to have to let it go, and do a simple, “Excuse me”.