Senator Schemer on Border Security

REPORTER:  SEN. SCHEMER, WHY DO THE DEMOCRATS WANT AN OPEN BORDER?

SEN. SCHEMER:  WE DON’T WANT AN OPEN BORDER.  WE WANT TO SECURE OUR SOUTHERN BORDER, WE JUST DON’T WANT A WALL HIGHER THAN FOUR FEET.

REPORTER:  YOU VOTED FOR A SECURE BORDER FENCE BEFORE, SO A FENCE WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE?

SEN. SCHEMER:  NO NO, I VOTED FOR A FENCE TWELVE YEARS AGO.  NOW I AM OPPOSED TO A FENCE.  THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW.  THE FENCE I VOTED FOR WAS ONLY FOUR FEET HIGH, NOW THE REPUBLICANS WANT A FENCE THAT IS FORTY FEET HIGH.

REPORTER:  HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THE BORDER SECURED?

SEN. SCHEMER:  ANYWAY THE REPUBLICANS WOULD LIKE TO DO IT, OTHER THAN A WALL OR A FENCE HIGHER THAN FOUR FEET.  WE’RE WILLING TO COMPROMISE AND GO AS HIGH AS FIVE FEET.

REPORTER:  DO YOU BELIEVE A FIVE FOOT TALL FENCE WILL KEEP THE ILLEGALS OUT.

SEN. SCHEMER:  ABSOLUTELY.  ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS PUT ‘NO TRESPASSING’ SIGNS ON THE FENCE ALL ALONG THE BORDER AND SIGNS DIRECTING THEM TO FOOD STAMPS AND FREE MONEY.

gdavidhoward.com

G Spot Satire

                                                                                   

                                                           

 

Advertisements

Mistletoe May Be Banned

Organizers of the #MeToo movement and #Kavanaugh accuser Dr. Christine Ford are demanding that mistletoe be declared an illegal substance. Their attorney Gloria Allred filed a brief describing mistletoe as a tool of sexual predators. Newly elected #Socialist Ocasio-Cortez said as soon as she is inaugurated into the first branch of Congress she will ask for a Special Prosecutor to find those who are making mistletoe, and bring them to justice.

Senator Wahoo Warren will be sponsoring legislation that will make possession of mistletoe a felony. Senator Wahoo knows the history of the illicit sex trap known as mistletoe. She explained that mistletoe is an old #Cherokee Indian word meaning “suck my tongue”. She claims mistletoe is the reason so many Native Americans are Virgos.

gdavidhoward.com

G Spot Satire

If you shut up,people might think you’re smart

Say What? #LeBronJames has an issue with the people who made him wealthy? Lest we forget; he didn’t get rich by outhinking people. I hope his young admirers learn this lesson from LeBron; No matter how much money you have, you can’t buy a new IQ, but if you keep your mouth shut, you could be considered a covert genius, by some.

President Trump “Short-talks”

I think one of President Trump’s biggest problems is that he mistakenly thinks everyone is just as smart as he is. Consequently, he implies things that astute people may comprehend, but not everyone. I call it “short-talking”. There are some things that are rooted in common sense and don’t require elaboration. Trump is a bit inarticulate and often relies on implied conclusions, and what he thinks, or infers, are obvious conditions. There are things he assumes are so apparent they don’t need to be explicitly stated because they’re obvious to open-minded logically thinking people.

Trump’s natural method of communiqué does not abide predisposition, partisanship, bias, intolerance, or closed-mindedness.

Partisans need a “talking point”

The dumbest argument against the border wall is: “He said Mexico was going to pay for it.” The Socialist leaders don’t give a fat rat’s ass about the cost of the wall, or who pays for it. All they want is open borders, and to defeat Trump at every turn. Hate and partisanship trump logical thinking.

If the wall ever gets built, maybe Mexico will end up paying for it, one way or another, but we have to build the wall first. You don’t pay the builder before he builds the house.

Even Dumbasses of America knew when Trump said Mexico would pay for the wall, it was a unilateral statement. People with a double digit IQ knew there was no prior agreement with Mexico. SPUASP (Stupid People United Against Smart People) knew he was saying; let’s build the wall, establish the cost, then negotiate with Mexico. Only a fool would think you could ask someone to pay for something not yet built, that may not get built, and for which the final cost is unknown. 

Stupid People Embrace Socialism – Smart People Embrace Capitalism

Jim Carrey and a host of other stupid people have formed a support group for the Democrat Socialists, called SPUASP (Stupid People United Against Smart People). Research teams estimate there may be as many as 45M dumbasses in the country, which is of great concern to the DNC. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is fearful that if SPUASP gets as many as 10M Registered Dumbasses, they will pull votes from the Democrat Socialist Party because most of the Democrat Socialists are Registered Dumbasses.

Crazy Bernie is meeting with Dumb and Dumber, Ocasio-Cortez, and Tom Perez in an effort to amalgamate SPUASP, Dumbasses of America, and the Democrat Socialists, so as to avoid creating a third party, which would split the Stupid votes and the Dumbass votes.

The DNC knows that a new party of stupid people would weaken the Democrat Socialists. Of the estimated 45M stupid people in the U. S., nearly all of them vote Democrat. If a substantial percentage of them register with a competing party of stupid people, it will hurt the Democrat Socialists because they’re counting on strong support from stupid people like Carrey, Pelosi, Behar, Michael Moore, et al. Jim Carrey’s slogan is “Dumbasses Unite! Make America Stupid Again!”

The Democrat Socialists are looking at possible presidential candidates for the 2020 election. They’re not talking to the Pantsuit Queen, but they’ve had conversations with ‘Crumbs’ Pelosi, M. Peach Waters, Raphael Madcow, Spartacus Booker, Wahoo Warren, Screamin’ Howard Dean, Pouting John Kasich, Al ‘Enunciator’ Sharpton, Crazy Bernie, and Plugs Biden. Sharpton believes he has the support of the majority of stupid people. 

We need one more Bowl game!

I think they should have at least one more bowl game. A bowl game pitting two winless teams against each other; The Losers Bowl. It would be dramatic; two teams,each fighting for its first and only win of the season, sponsored by American Standard and called the American Standard Toilet Bowl. The game should be played in the city that is the armpit of the world, San Francisco. The San Francisco Cow Palace would be the perfect venue for the Toilet Bowl. Imagine having Rosie O’Donnell sing the National Anthem at the Cow Palace?! There wouldn’t be a dry eye in the house. This year it could be the Occidental Tigers (0-8) versus the Bates Bobcats (0-9), broadcast by ESPN with Keith Olbermann, Occidental Alum Barack Obama, and Bryant Gumbel, a Bates Alum, all in the broadcast booth.