Playdoh O’Rourke’s father, Pat Francis O’Rourke, was nicknamed ‘Gumby’. Bless his heart, poor old Pat was afflicted with idiopathic restless limb syndrome which caused spastic arm movements. Just like his son, Playdoh, he always looked like a cop with St. Vitus’ Dance directing traffic in a roundabout. He looked so goofy everyone in El Paso started calling him ‘Gumby’.
Idiopathic restless limb syndrome is hereditary, and it’s apparent that Playdoh is afflicted just like his father ‘Gumby’, and his Grandpa ‘Windmill’, making him look just as goofy as he sounds.
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Congressman Adam Schiff says he has evidence from a reliable source that Luis Saez, the jockey who rode Maximum Security in the Kentucky Derby, was seen going into Trump Tower a few weeks ago. It’s believed that Saez also met with Russian Oligarch, Billionaire Brooklyn Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov two days before he went to Trump Tower. Schiff’s source believes Trump colluded with the Russians and Luis Saez on the outcome of the Kentucky Derby. The source believes Saez was paid to make a disqualifying move so another horse could be declared the winner. According to Schiff, Trump, Saez and the Russians wagered millions against Maximum Security. Jerrold Nadler is calling it ‘Derbygate’, and demanding that Trump resign, immediately. He is also asking for a Special Prosecutor. Brian Williams and Don Lemon are backing Schiff’s story. Jussie Smollett said he saw Luis Saez wearing a MAGA hat the day before the race.
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Everyone recognizes and celebrates Cinco de Mayo, the anniversary of Mexico’s defeat of the French army at Puebla. However, in the spirit of heroic memories, we should also give proper attention to Seis de Mayo y Siete de Mayo, two very important dates that followed the Cinco de Mayo victory at Puebla.
While the Mexican Army was engaging the French Army at Puebla, a Polish Brigade began to move on Veracruz, a city named after a Cuban mentiroso, Senora Vera Cruz, a forebear of Senator Ted Cruz. Senora Cruz operated a Burdel and a Bistro Cubano at the south edge of the city. Her Bistro Cubano was famous for it’s tocino, lechuga y tomate con mayonesa, known to gringos as a BLT. Senora Vera and her prostitutas from the Burdel began to feed and ‘entertain’ the Polish soldiers, while the ninos from the village were sneaking around and smearing all of the Polish soldiers’ rifles and pistols with mayonesa, making them impossible to handle and basically, useless. The Mexican army, fresh from its victory over the French army on Cinco de Mayo, arrived at Veracruz on Seis de Mayo before the Polish soldiers were able to clean their weapons and they were able to easily defeat the Polish Brigade. The Polish forces fled and were gone by Siete de Mayo. The last thing anyone remembers Senora Vera Cruz saying was, “Extra mayo, por favor”.
I’ll be celebrating both Seis de Mayo and Siete de Mayo with gold margueritas hoy y mañana. Salud, mi amigos!
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