GUMBY O’ROURKE

Playdoh O’Rourke’s father, Pat Francis O’Rourke, was nicknamed ‘Gumby’. Bless his heart, poor old Pat was afflicted with idiopathic restless limb syndrome which caused spastic arm movements. Just like his son, Playdoh, he always looked like a cop with St. Vitus’ Dance directing traffic in a roundabout. He looked so goofy everyone in El Paso started calling him ‘Gumby’.

Idiopathic restless limb syndrome is hereditary, and it’s apparent that Playdoh is afflicted just like his father ‘Gumby’, and his Grandpa ‘Windmill’, making him look just as goofy as he sounds.
gdavidhoward.com
G Spot Satire

Advertisements

Hang On To Your Hyphen

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who was born with a hyphen, has decided not to have her hyphen removed. Her parents convinced her that her hyphen was part of her heritage. Members of her support group, Ice-T, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Cee-Lo Green, Jay-Z, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus have assured the Bronx Einstein that having a hyphen, now-a-days, doesn’t have the same stigma it once had. The group took Ocasio-Cortez to Chic-fil-A for dinner, where Yo-Yo Ma was waiting, and his table-side performance of Chopin’s Nocturne in B-flat, was a pure tour-de-force, which gave Ocasio-Cortez a boost in self-confidence and self-esteem concerning hyphens.

Many people who have had their hyphens removed, later regretted it. Barack Hussein-Obama and Rep. Jerrold Go-nads Nadler wish they had never had it done. Even to this day, they’re very uncomfortable going into a 7-Eleven.

So peeps, don’t be ashamed of your hyphen, cherish your hyphen!
gdavidhoward.com
G Spot Satire

How dumb is a government mandated minimum wage? It’s this dumb:

Bubba said, “Man them Democrats are sure as hell lookin’ out for the working man, ain’t they?

Jethro nodded and said, “They sure as hell are. This new minimum wage of $50 an hour is unbelievable. Just think about that. Right now, we’re makin’ $20 an hour, and that works out to about $40,000 a year. When this new minimum wage goes into effect, we’ll be makin’ a hundred grand a year. I’m gettin’ me a new truck and a boat.”

Same two guys 6 months later.

Bubba said, “Well, Jethro did ya get that truck and boat y’always wanted??

Jethro said, “Hell no! I ain’t got no more money left over than I had before. A loaf of bread is $7 now, and a gallon of milk is like $9. Gas is up to $10 a gallon, in some places. Our grocery bill last week was five or six hundred dollars.”

Bubba shook his head and said, “Yeah, the bars are chargin’ eight bucks for a can of Blue Ribbon and my electric bill has gone through the roof. It costs over $100 to take the wife and kids to McDonalds. We ordered pizza the other night and it was $67. Can you believe how prices have gone up like that?

And so it goes. Like I said, a mandated minimum wage is a really dumb idea. Just as dumb as income tax.
Gdavidhoward.com
G Spot Satire

 

IT’S THE RUSSIANS AND THE ‘RACE’ CARD AGAIN!

This just in from G Spot Satire

Congressman Adam Schiff says he has evidence from a reliable source that Luis Saez, the jockey who rode Maximum Security in the Kentucky Derby, was seen going into Trump Tower a few weeks ago. It’s believed that Saez also met with Russian Oligarch, Billionaire Brooklyn Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov two days before he went to Trump Tower. Schiff’s source believes Trump colluded with the Russians and Luis Saez on the outcome of the Kentucky Derby. The source believes Saez was paid to make a disqualifying move so another horse could be declared the winner. According to Schiff, Trump, Saez and the Russians wagered millions against Maximum Security. Jerrold Nadler is calling it ‘Derbygate’, and demanding that Trump resign, immediately. He is also asking for a Special Prosecutor. Brian Williams and Don Lemon are backing Schiff’s story. Jussie Smollett said he saw Luis Saez wearing a MAGA hat the day before the race.

G Spot Satire

Gdavidhoward.com

The Democrat Communist Mantra:  “If we can’t nail Trump, we’ll nail any Republican we can!”

Here is what we know. 

  1. There was no collusion with Russia.

  2. The investigation concluded there was no evidence to prove President Trump obstructed justice.

Aha!  The Democrat Communists jumped all over that one. Their focus now is, try to get your head around this; the report doesn’t prove Trump DID NOT obstruct justice.   Really?   Is that ignorant, harebrained, juvenile, demented, or all of the above?  Whatever, it’s apparent that TDS has eaten their brains.  Their irrationality has rendered them nonfunctional and utterly useless.

People who hold Rhodes Scholars in high regard need to get woke.

Rhodes Scholars are NOT the geniuses the uninformed think they are.  Rhodes Scholars aren’t chosen for their brain power; they are generally chosen BECAUSE they eschew capitalism and free enterprise, favoring instead, socialism and communism.  They are over-rated, over-educated fools.  A Rhodes Scholarship is NOT a badge of honor, it’s a symbol of naivete and evil.
gdavidhoward.com
G Spot Satire

Feliz Seis de Mayo

Everyone recognizes and celebrates Cinco de Mayo, the anniversary of Mexico’s defeat of the French army at Puebla.  However, in the spirit of heroic memories, we should also give proper attention to Seis de Mayo y Siete de Mayo, two very important dates that followed the Cinco de Mayo victory at Puebla.

While the Mexican Army was engaging the French Army at Puebla, a Polish Brigade began to move on Veracruz, a city named after a Cuban mentiroso, Senora Vera Cruz, a forebear of  Senator Ted Cruz.  Senora Cruz operated a Burdel and a Bistro Cubano at the south edge of the city.  Her Bistro Cubano was famous for it’s tocino, lechuga y tomate con mayonesa, known to gringos as a BLT.  Senora Vera and her prostitutas from the Burdel began to feed and ‘entertain’ the Polish soldiers, while the ninos from the village were sneaking around and smearing all of the Polish soldiers’ rifles and pistols with mayonesa, making them impossible to handle and basically, useless.   The Mexican army, fresh from its victory over the French army on Cinco de Mayo, arrived at Veracruz on Seis de Mayo before the Polish soldiers were able to clean their weapons and they were able to easily defeat the Polish Brigade.  The Polish forces fled and were gone by Siete de Mayo.  The last thing anyone remembers Senora Vera Cruz saying was, “Extra mayo, por favor”.  

I’ll be celebrating both Seis de Mayo and Siete de Mayo with gold margueritas hoy y mañana.  Salud, mi amigos!

Gdavidhoward.com

G Spot Satire