Nancy Pelosi on merit based immigration

Nancy Pelosi says The President’s plan for merit based immigration is racist, and is a plan to make America white again. She said, “Everyone knows people of color wouldn’t qualify under a merit based standard, because people of color have no merit. So, you can see the plan the President is proposing proves he’s a racist.”
G. David Howard, Editor of Fake News


The Origin of Chief Wahoo

The leader of the Chippewa, Chief Thunder Gums, and his son Lone Tooth, were the first Native Americans to be fitted with false teeth. They were called “Waterloo Teeth” because the dentures were made from the teeth of dead soldiers from the Battle of Waterloo. Chief Thunder Gums was from the Ottawa Tribe of the Chippewa. After Chief Thunder Gums was fitted with his dentures, and because of his association with Chippewa, Ottawa and Waterloo, he renamed himself Chief Wahoo. The Chief and his son Lone Tooth, who changed his name to Happy Mouth, were loved by the entire tribe because they always wore a big toothy, cartoonish smile, so proud they were of their new teeth; hence, the Cleveland Indians’ logo.

Chief Wahoo and Happy Mouth were known as the happiest of all the indigenous people, and the Chippewa Nation were known as the friendliest warriors on earth. In fact, Chippewa is where the term, “feeling chipper” comes from.

I think it’s a travesty for the Cleveland Indians to give up such a rich, friendly, and happy legacy.


The Latino Coup is Underway

Federal Law is supreme over state law, yet California Attorney General Xavier Becerra warned employers in California of legal repercussions if they assist federal immigration officials in an impending crackdown in their sanctuary state (the sanctuary state is unlawful, in its self). In other words, American Citizens will be prosecuted if they obey Federal Law. Xavier Becerra, effectively, has begun California’s secession from the Union. He’s counting on the fact that California has the largest minority population and the largest Hispanic population in the country.

No problem. Maybe they can get by without the Federal government. Really? What about Federal highway funds, WIC, SNAP, $5 Billion to public universities, Medicaid, Federal Unemployment Compensation, oh yeah, the U.S. Coast Guard? That’s just for starters. There’s a whole bunch more that could be suspended. Sure, the liberal courts may be able to stop some of the suspensions, but that doesn’t mean funds can’t be miscalculated, misappropriated, slow-walked, or caught up on repeal. In spite of a liberal judge’s decision;the Feds could still inflict a lot of pain and suffering. In other words, Xavier Becerra, may have written a check his ass can’t cash.

If the California Attorney General plans to ignore one Federal Law, he won’t stop there. I see this as an attempted Latino Coup to take over the state of California, and based on current demographic trends, Arizona won’t be far behind. It’s time to call his bluff; arrest him and prosecute him under the Supremacy Clause. Jeff Sessions are you awake? Are you really the United States Attorney General? Well, it’s time to put on you big boy pants!

Why Chuck Schumer wears his glasses at the end of his nose

Chuck Schumer explained to his colleagues that they would appear to be much wiser if they wore their glasses way down near the end of their noses. He said, “Look what that style has done for Bill Clinton. You see how I wear my glasses and you know how smart the people think I am. I would like to see every Democrat wear their glasses this way. I encourage those who don’t wear glasses to get a pair of faux glasses.” He went on to explain, “Not only will we look smarter than the Republicans, but when we cry, we won’t smear our glasses.”

Maxine Waters taking a page out of Major League Baseball’s Playbook.

Maxine told Nancy Pelosi, “The baseball players have special walk-up music when they come up to bat, so I’m going to have my own music, too.”

Nancy asked, “What song are you going to use?”

Maxine said, “Well I told the Speaker I want them play ‘Hit The Road Jack’. Chuck Schumer says he’s going to walk-up to the microphone to ‘It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I want To’.

Nancy said, “I wonder what song I should use.”

Maxine said, “Well, I asked the Speaker about that and he suggested you use 

Sick People Are Suffering

The number of people in the United States suffering with Obsessive Compulsive Hate Disorder, or OCHD, has reached epidemic proportions.  OCHD is primarily a mental disorder affecting the cerebral cortex in such a way as to diminish normal human traits, including higher thought and the ability to reason.  OCHD causes temporary paralysis of the frontal lobe, which affects, not only reasoning, but higher level cognition, as well. 

The afflicted include people of all races and ethnic groups in all 50 states, with higher concentrations of the disease being found up and down the west coast and in the northeastern parts of the country.   The disease is not occupationally discriminatory; however, researchers are reporting that nearly 8 out of 10 academics have been diagnosed with OCHD, and they are conveyers of the disease, as well.   The only common thread among the afflicted; the majority of known OCHD sufferers did not vote for Donald Trump and are regular viewers of CNN and MSNBC.

There will be self-help groups launching soon, via social media.   People who join LosersRus will be given a free app for Amazon’s new online Sh*thole game, and those who join HatersSuck can download a coupon for a box of Dum Dum Blue Lollipops. 

G. David Howard – Editor of Fake News Network









Unexpected consequences for designated shitholes

This just in from Fake News Network

For those who think President Trump’s words don’t generate business, the folks in Haiti, Niger, and El Salvador would beg to differ. 

Waste Management, for example, has decided to hold its annual convention in Haiti, at the Port-au-Prince Hilton.  What country could be more appropriate for a waste collection company convention than a shithole?

As a sales incentive, the Dempster Dumpster company is offering all expenses paid vacations to the top resorts in the Republic of Niger, where a luxury suite at a five star hotel can be as expensive as $10 (USD), per night, and even more with a toilet.

Porta Potty, in conjunction with Lyft, is introducing ‘PortaLyft’ in San Salvador, where a Porta Potty can be delivered directly to a caller’s hut.  It’s expected this service will create thousands of new grunt jobs in El Salvador.  Uber will be offering their new ‘Uber Pooper’ service in Somalia, later this year. 

G. David Howard – Editor, Fake News Network