Good News From Washington

For those who thought there wasn’t any good news coming from Washington; Senators Bob Corker and Jeff Flake have both announced they will not be running for re-election. I was caught a little off guard because I didn’t know that when decontaminating a barrel you could start at the bottom of the barrel. Well, at least it’s a start. Just sayin’……………………..


Colin ‘Crayola’ Kaepernick

Advance reviews on Colin Kaepernick‘s upcoming book indicate the average person, if they stay inside the lines, will be able to color the entire book in two kneelings. If they’re sloppy, they can do it in just one kneeling. Heads up: You’ll need a few extra black and burgundy crayons in order to fully color in the hijabs and the burqas.

Obama Left Lasting Oppression

Almost from the very beginning of Obama’s presidency, it was clear that he was going to be a pro-suspect and an anti-cop president. He and Holder planted the anti-cop seeds and nurtured them to maturity; the greatest example being the way they dealt with the Michael Brown case. Obama and Holder bought the false narrative, “hands up don’t shoot”, and decided it was an example of nationwide police misbehavior. Instead of saying to arrestees, “If you obey the police officer’s commands, you won’t get hurt”, they decided the police officers needed to be re-trained, or replaced. In other words, they were saying, “It’s okay to resist arrest, but it’s not okay to forcibly make an arrest. A cop can only arrest someone who is willing to be arrested.” Say what? Really?

Something that had not previously been a systemic problem suddenly became the personal ‘desktop’ for many in the black community. For those who were seeking ‘victimhood’, this was their opportunity to blame police oppression for all their problems. Spokespersons for various black organizations, or movements, coming on TV talk shows and describing what it’s like to be pulled over for ‘driving while black’ has grown tiresome. They’ve worn that one out. They can’t prove it ever actually happened to them, and no one can prove it hasn’t, but I think a lot of this stuff is pure fabrication; just my opinion.

So, all of this ugliness happening in the sports venues can be laid at the feet of Barack Hussein Obama; he planted the seeds of division and convinced people of color that they are victims of oppression, and they’re acting out. Obama’s legacy? Lasting Oppression.

Rep. Maxine Waters, AKA ‘La Gatillo Mujer’ (The trigger woman)?

This just in from Sham News

The LAPD has been looking for a female assassin who calls herself ‘La Gatillo Mujer’. Maxine Waters fits the description of the killer and has quietly been a person of interest in multiple murders in and around L.A. ‘La Gatillo Mujer’ always leaves her calling card which says, “I took him out.” She really got the attention of the LAPD last night when she used that same terminology; “I will go and take out Trump tonight”. The FBI is investigating the threat and is cooperating with the LAPD.

Many of Maxine Waters’ detractors suspect that moonlighting as a hit woman is how she is able to live in a 5 Million dollar mansion on a congresswoman’s salary.
G. David Howard, Chairman Fake News Network

A Blast From The Past

This just in from The Sham Times

It wasn’t until after Caryn Elaine Johnson decided to call her new invention the “Whoopi Cushion” that she changed her name to Whoopi (Goldberg). Her fart bag was born out of necessity. Caryn had been hosting Tupperware and Amway parties, but her frequent farting was costing sales.   At that time, Caryn was enrolled in my Stand-up Comedy Class and during a break she discussed her farting problem with me. Here is what I told her:

“Farting is an involuntary bodily function, and when you’re in one of those awkwardly quiet social, business, or church environments, and you know it’s coming, what to do? You can be proactive by suddenly starting a sing-along. The best sing-along is The National Anthem. “The Star Spangled Banner” will get everyone scrambling to their feet and will give you an opportunity to stand up, which will make it much easier to “cut one” completely unnoticed; that is, if you’re able to keep a straight face when you get to “bombs bursting in air”. I’ve tried other songs in the past, such as “Ring of Fire”, “Thunder Road”, “Blowin’ in the Wind”, “Tutti Frutti”, and “Friends in Low Places”, but there are a couple of problems with those songs.  First of all, not everyone knows the words, and I usually get tickled, start laughing and end up cutting an extra one. Whatever you do, don’t try the ‘one-cheek-sneak’; the ‘lean’ is a dead giveaway.  Start coughing, clearing your throat, or fake a big sneeze.”

Well, none of that worked for Caryn, that’s when she developed the “Whoopi Cushion”. She would pass the cushions out to everyone at the sales parties, and while they were experimenting with them, Whoopi could just fart her brains out………literally. Eventually she did, in fact, ‘fart her brains out’, which is why she says some of the stupid things she says.
G. David Howard, Chairman Fake News Network

Racists Should Just Be Ignored

The right of free speech in the United States is guaranteed.  What is not guaranteed is an audience.  When people show up to protest morons like Richard Spencer, they raise his visibility, and give the appearance that he may have something of substance to say; something important.  If everyone would just ignore these folks as if they didn’t exist, it would render them impotent and basically voiceless.

It’s understood, by most of us, that the views of racists like Richard Spencer, David Duke, and Rep. Frederica Wilson are abhorrent and totally unacceptable.  In my opinion the act of shouting Spencer down, not allowing him to speak, was also unacceptable.  Let him preach to his little choir of deviants in an otherwise empty room.  Problem solved.  No need for hundreds of police officers, barricades, and extra security measures out the ying-yang.  No muss, no fuss.  Life goes on without the haters.

Unfortunately it is not illegal for a racist to hold public office in our country, nor is it unconstitutional for dumbasses to be in Congress.  Not all dumbasses are racists, but all racists are dumbasses, so having a racist dumbass like Frederica Wilson in our House of Representatives may not be that uncommon.  In the case of Rep. Wilson, I hope the media continue to cover her.  Every time she speaks she makes a complete fool of herself.  I’ll paraphrase Mark Twain by saying, “Better to remain silent and appear to be stupid than to speak and remove all doubt.”