James Comey has hired a new law firm, Cabal, Covin, Lewd and Gross, to represent him, and to aid and abet his effort to destroy Donald Trump. His co-conspirator, Robert Mueller, has vowed to stop at nothing to end the Trump presidency. Mueller said he found a 71 year old woman from Queens, Kanya Seymine, who went to elementary school with the President. Kanya is now living in Florida and willing to testify that when she was in kindergarten at Kew-Forest School with Donald Trump, he purposely exposed himself to her one day while they were playing jacks. She said, “I remember, because I had just completed my twosies and was starting on my threesies when he whipped it out. I never did complete my threesies that day.” Mueller believes Kanya Seymine’s testimony will be enough to get Trump impeached. Maxine Waters said, “That will definitely take 45 out.”
At the annual meeting of the American Association of Tribal Scorekeepers, methods of counting and securing the data were discussed, at length. Ophelia Goodbody, Under Secretary of the Women’s Tribe, will not only be in charge of counting women in the workplace, she will have the added responsibility of tracking in what kind of positions the women are found, how much they are paid, and how often they are sexually harassed. Unfortunately her counts are fluid, fluctuating minute by minute, because of self determinant gender identification.
The scorekeeper for the Latino Tribe is Juan Badombre. In addition to counting how many Latinos are legally in the U.S., he must also count the ones who are here illegally, and then get them all registered to vote. He works directly with OFA (Organizing for Action), Barack Obama’s community organizing project, and the DNC. It’s expected that OFA will soon have offices in all 31 Mexican states, and in every country in Central America, where they will conduct U.S. Voter Registration drives for future immigrants, so they’ll be ready to vote when they cross the border. Several Central American countries are already prepared to vote in U.S. elections, by absentee ballot.
Imeen Tanailya, leader of the Islamic Tribe is concerned with convenience stores, gas stations and the number of Muslims in government jobs, but he is more concerned with Islamaphobia. He is quoted as saying, “Islamaphobics who think our beliefs and practices are barbaric should be beheaded, gay people should be burned alive, and women should not be allowed to speak.”
Scorekeeping for the Black Tribe has become an industry unto itself. The Chief Executive is Iuze Kwotas, who must oversee a huge bureaucracy. What they have to count is almost endless. Here’s a peek at just a few of the areas they must monitor.
College and University admissions
Minority coaches on each of the NFL teams
Minority coaches on each NBA team
Number of blacks incarcerated
Pumpkins carved with racist symbols
Statues of Confederate soldiers
Names of National and State parks
White people who do not suffer from white guilt
Minority players in the NFL
Minority players in the NBA
Minority players in MLB
Minority athletes in the Olympics
Minorities nominated for Oscars
Minorities represented in movies and in TV roles
Number of blacks on the PGA tour
Minority players in the NHL
Use of racial slurs
And ad infinatum
Head scorekeeper for the LGBTQ Tribe, Weir P. Culyar has got his hands full. Many of the people he counts get counted more than once because some of them are continually moving from one roster to another. He desperately tries to track discriminatory practices in the workplace, but he admits that half the time he doesn’t know which end is up.