Nothing gets past Robert Mueller (Satire)

One of the Covington, Kentucky high school kids, fourteen year old Johnny (we’ll just call him Johnny), great nephew of Roger Stone, is being pinned down in his room by Mueller’s Gestapo. Johnny has been grounded, for his own safety, due to threats the family has received. He’s been holed up in his room and instructed, by his parents, not to open the door for anyone. Mueller discovered that Johnny has a Russian pen pal, whom we’ll just call, Anatoly Blankovich, and Mueller wants copies of all correspondence Johnny has had with Anatoly. Andrew Weissmann, one of Mueller’s henchmen, wants to know how much these radical teenagers know about ‘smirking’ and whether either of them has ever ‘smirked’ at any Native Americans, including Elizabeth Warren. Mueller also wants to know if Johnny, or any of his classmates, had prior knowledge that Nick Sandmann was a ‘smirker’.

Johnny’s house is surrounded by four M1A2 tanks, Mueller has deployed 2 SEAL Teams inside the house, and snipers are setup in neighboring houses.

Johnny’s parents have assured the SEAL Team that the battle sounds they’re hearing from Johnny’s room is from “Deep Rock Galactic”, and Johnny will open his door as soon as he makes it to the next level.

 

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